TODAY WAS NICE.
Well, it`s been a while since our home had been filled with good noise, not cries of pain but actually cries of joy. It means so much, no actually, it means everything. It means there`s still life behind the four corners of this house. There`s still love.
I almost lost that, you know. The faith and hope that I can still be happy despite experiencing, probably the most painful thing that ever happened in my life: slowly losing someone so close to my heart, my Lolo. I almost lost my faith, asked God why my Lolo, why my family? But today, after I saw our family shared laughs and cries again after God-knows-how-long, I thought maybe there`s a more significant reason why God let this happen: for us to, maybe, rediscover our love for each other (not just the love you get from phone calls, Skype chats, and Facebook updates). I thought if this had not happened, will we see each other ever again? Everybody`s preoccupied with work… prioritizing their own families, that we actually forgot how important it is to be physically there for each other. Realized that the true meaning of the word `family` is beyond sharing the same last name….
Today, my Lolo and I hugged each other really tight after a really long time. I cried, he cried. Right exactly at that moment, I felt like the happiest and most loved granddaughter in the whole world.
True love is rare, and it’s the only thing that gives life real meaning.
– Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle)(Source: kari-shma)
Via Source of Inspiration.On Leaving….
“So kiss me and smile for me.. Tell me that you’ll wait for me. Hold me like you’ll never let me go…”
Ask me about my plans..
Exactly a year ago.. I’d say, with so much conviction.. “One plan… move to CANADA with my family and that’s it! Everything will follow.”
Ask me now…
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I don’t know anymore.
I have this belief that once I got out of PH, money won’t be an issue in my life ever again. You see, I wasn’t born rich. I wasn’t blessed with golds, diamonds and LVs… Everything I have right now is from my parent’s determination and hard work (and mine too, if I may add). I’m so grateful for them for giving me a good life. And that’s why I wanted to give them back everything they’ve given me or even more. Call me ambitious but that’s how I am as a daughter. I have always hoped to provide them my dream house (with an infinity pool, a theater room, and everything a superb house has), my dream car (let’s say an FJ Cruiser or a Montero Sport if I try being a little aspiring), tickets for a trip around the world.. and this… and that. Believe me or not, my dreams have always been for them and not for me (oh maybe some.. but mostly for them).
But right now, in all honesty, I’m not really sure if I still want to leave (though I really don’t have a choice. Just wanted to write down all the thoughts, read them after and see if it changes how I feel). Shame on me for even thinking about this. But yes…
I don’t want to leave.
Why? Because I’m in love. God knows how much. I literally can’t live without his presence. This is the first time I’ve felt this for someone. I’ve been in love before, yes… once. But not this strong… Every morning I’d wake up beside him, go to work and spend all day just anticipating about seeing him again that night. Could I be crazier? This is the first time I literally feel like he is my other half… that without him, I’m not complete. (Believe me I’m laughing while typing that. See, people are funny when they’re in love) But kidding aside, my friends are starting to hate me because I always ditch them for Louie. Crazy, but I can give up everything in a heartbeat for him. I’m not even sure if that’s healthy for me anymore. But screw being healthy, I’m really happy. I’m flying-with-angels happy. And it’s been a loooooooooooong time since the last time I felt this. I strongly believe I owe it to myself after years of misery, after forgetting how it feels like to be really happy. Though, you know, sometimes I feel guilty that I tend to forget my other responsibilities because I’m too in love. Is there even such a thing? Too much love? I just want to savor every moment, you know. Expecting that I might leave more or less than a year from now… Wants me to just spend every fucking day with him. Doing nothing but cuddling.
Canada.
I don’t want to be those couple who celebrate their birthdays on Skype (with cake, turkey and all that). That’s just plain sad.
I don’t want to look at the moon and think at least we’re still under one moon (Ooohh Dear John)
I don’t want to send him E-cards on our monthsaries!
I don’t want to google about how to make a long distance relationship work.
I don’t want to live hundred miles away and be paranoid on his whereabouts.
I don’t want to deliver Lea Salonga’s line in Sana Maulit Muli: “Kailangan ko na lang tanggapin na inagaw ka na sakin ng trabaho mo…”
I don’t want to buy his perfume, spray it on my pillow, hug it and pretend it’s him! (That’s just crazy)
I don’t want to drive around Canada while playing Michael Buble’s Home. Or Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting.
I don’t want to eat our favorite food and pretend I’m with him.
I don’t want to watch alone in a movie house and look at the next seat and imagine he’s with me.
I don’t want to watch him play basket on videos. (I’ll miss the wild Chie I tend to be while watching it live)
I don’t want to wake up knowing he’s still sleeping.
I don’t want to sleep knowing he’s all awake.
I dread the days when I won’t be able to touch, hug and kiss him.
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:(
But how? Can I be in a place where I can be a bad daughter, follow my heart and just marry the one I love?
In reality, I can’t do that. I still have daughter and sister duties and I must do that before going for my heart’s desires…..
